I don't normally answer these questions, but for some reason I felt compeled to respond to this one...

I love the night time because the moon is allowed to shine bright in all it's tide pulling glory.

You never know what exactly is around the corner. We are forced to use more of our senses rather than relying fully on our sight, we have to listen more closely and allow our intuitions and gut feelings to guide us (coercing us to learn to trust our ownselves better).

The owl and bat... and all the other noctunal creatures that lurk in the shadows of darkness come out to play.

It is always more quite, more serene. You can hear your own thoughts better. 

I know that people are drifting in and out of the sacred dream realms, doing what in their waking state, they would deem imposible.

The night brings a calm coolness (here in the south at least!). Usually a nice whispering breeze.

It makes me feel all that much closer to the animals of the deep, deep blue sea.

My trip to Grand Junction (GJ) was absolutely amazing in more ways than I can really explain. But I will attempt to do just that (explain) non the less.

Something I have noticed is how all of these wonderful opportunities manifest themselves in my life, or rather I actively manifest them. But I seem to not do well with actually immersing myself in them. Why is this, I wonder. This I will ponder at a later date, but I felt compelled to write down my observation in the moment.

I learned how to apply myself to my fullest in many ways while visiting GJ. Doing and helping as "co-facilitator" with the workshop proved to be one of the most gratifying things I have ever done in my 21 years of living. In helping to create and carryout a workshop, I got to experience the importance of not only focus, but also commitment.

It is not foreign in the least, for me to get very excited and worked-up about any numerous of things (i am a Gemini, so give me a break). But I am always looking for "whats next" and "whats new"; for me this seems to be the way, for I have not really known much else in my life. I have also been going through a sort of awakening crisis in which I have realized that even though I am interested in anything and everything and have dabbled in a lot of these interests, I have nothing to show for it. I have not really taken the time and focused or committed enough to really prosper and grow in any given interests of mine. It is usually a matter of "oh man, this is so freakin' awesome... oh a squirrel!", as I frolic off in the opposite direction. Without having to really explain, lets just say I am easy to become distracted or to have a total lost of interest all together.

In preparation for the BodyJuggling (BJ) workshop, I was fully aware of my duties that would come with going to GJ and helping to facilitate the workshop. But I'm not so sure that my concentration that would need to be fully present, was quite there yet. I was also slightly nervous at the prospect of not being capable or responsible enough to actually behave the way I would need to. But non the less, I was going to go through with this adventure. If all else failed, I would have a least gotten a nice trip to see my beloved CO mountains.  :)

Once I arrived to GJ and SaTek and I went immediately from the plane to our first class at Crossroads Fitness Center, I knew that I was fully on board. The transition from a fairly relaxing yet always too long of a flight into filming a class was no biggie at all. Satek also had an amazing time teaching all of those possible teachers and it turned out fabulously. At this point, it was obvious that I could handle my "duties"!

On Friday, I was fully ready and able to get this free class going. At this point there was nothing that could stop me. Not the lack of pins for balls, or the loss of an air pump, the lack of space, or my sore shoulder muscles from filming two days before. I had my concentration and commitment dial set at full speed. We had even spent the whole day before discussing BJ and our endeavors to expand and become limitless (mixed in with a little Orvis Hot Springs soak).

When Saturday morning came around, I awoke revved and ready for the day ahead. The two classes we had held the days before went so smoothly and with such ease that I felt fully in focus. And sure enough, with help from my undivided attention, the day was wondrous.

I'm positive that if my attention been unwilling, unfocused, and uncommitted, that there is no way I would have made it through this whole adventure. Not that is was ever overly stressful or difficult, but it was at times unorganized and not as well thought out as we could have made it. And I know that in similar situations in the past, when I was not committed in the least, I had absolutely no trouble going "Oh! A squirrel". I now have the proper base to go off of as to know just how important it can be to place all of my concentration and commit to something that I am doing. Even when the tough got going and things became a little bit unorganized, I was able to maintain a calm and cool energy. I was able to remain focused and stay on track; and in the end even help those around me that may have become slightly distressed. Not to say I stayed perfectly composed the entire time, but I did a lot better that I've ever done in the past! By having the commitment needed to preform this task, I realized that if I apply that same "rule of thumb" to whatever else I take interest in, then I might, just maybe, be able to accomplish other things I set my mind on.  :)

I have studied only but a few forms of energy work. But it is often that I find myself straying away from the more harsh or invasive forms such as chiropractic work. And like a blessing, quantum touch was shown to me by my friend SaTek. Quantum touch is a healing modality where you simply allow the universal energy that is always surrounding you to run up your feet to your head and then back down and out of your hands and into the person needing some loving energy. And all your hands do is simply rest with a very light pressure on the person you are working with. Quantum touch also emphasizes that we are not healers but simply upholding a different or higher vibration than the person we are working with so that their own bodies can heal themselves.

I can home one day to my Step-mothers usual complaints of an aching body. But this time she had more pain due to her recent gastric bypass surgery, which she was actually dealing with very well. So she was walking around and moaning about a horrible ache in her whole upper back. I usually do not offer to work on my own family, because I find it more difficult for the space to be held at a higher level of vibration, but to my surprise, she came to me and asked that I use my "magic hands" to try and help her to feel better. So I agreed and told her that when she was done doing whatever it was she was doing, to let me know, and I would work on her. Well, an hour passed by and she had not told me she was ready, and by now I had convinced myself that it might be better for me to not do any work on her at all. I walked into the living room and she was sitting on the couch in pain, and I realized that I should go ahead and do the work with her.

I asked her to sit up and to close her eyes and breathe. I sat behind her and started to run energy through my body and out my hands. I noticed that even though the t.v. was on, the dog was trotting through the house, and my dad and step-brother were talking across the room, it was quite easy for me to go into a deep concentration. Immediately my Step-mother noted that her back pain had subdued. I instructed her to continue focusing on her breath as I did the same. Then I told her to let me know if she could feel pain anywhere else. She astonishingly replied, "Just as you said that I started to feel pain in my knee!"  I then told her to breathe into her knee, to breathe into the pain. I told her to feel the shape, size, and color of the pain and to slowly, with each in breath, allow the pain to grow and get bigger. I told her to let the pain expand and get bigger and bigger until she no longer had any pain at all. All the while I was still running energy through my body and focusing on her back pain.

The total quantum touch session lasted for 10 minutes and I followed it with a little 5 min massage.

My Step-mother informed me that she could feel a drastic change in the pain in her back and no longer felt pain in her knee. She thanked me and went on with her chores!

In my very recent trip to Grand Junction, Colorado, I was given many chances to learn and grow. And I took them all! My trip was so splendidly amazing.

I met a beautiful man by the name of Joseph Rolley who lives up among the Grand Junction cliffs and flat tops. Joseph has a very extensive knowledge of many modalities of energy/healing work. Joseph was kind enough to share his knowledge with me through the work he did on me.

One of the biggest things I learned was that we need not allow the work we do on others to be confined to our hands. When Joseph did massage work on me, he did not hesitate to use his elbows, feet, knees, and God knows what else (mind you, I was being worked on, so my memory is a nice clouded, warm fuzz).   :)

Before I took this trip, I decided to freeze dry a wart that I had on the tip of my middle finger on my left hand. This blistered the tip of my finger to an extreme that I have never experienced before. It was very painful, but I do believe I did this intentionally on a subconscious plane. I will tell you the reason why... Because, if my hand had been working and fully functional, I may not have been able to release enough of my desire to work on others, and therefore be worked on myself. Having this "disability" allowed me to relax enough to accept the generosity of those around who desired to do energy work on me. But more importantly, it showed me that I actually don't need my hands at all to do energy work.

For some reason, I have always remained in the thought pattern that energy work could only be done with/through the hands. But this my dear friends is simply not true in the least. If we can focus the running of our energy to go through our hands, or even through our chakras, for healing purposes, then why not our feet, elbows, knees, chin, and.... whatever the mind can fathom. I know I have used my elbows and chin before, but never with the actual intention of running energy through them and into the person I am doing work on. So this will be my next step, to integrate running energy to others using more than just my hands.

 

*side note: Today I received a long time manifested massage table for free. Guess this will be the perfect day to try out some of my newly acquired intention-filled massage "techniques".

You have lonely eyes. The kind that say you need love but haven't received it in so long, you could snap at any moment, becoming perilous.You came stumbling up to me smelling faintly of stale beer and Newports. Your name was Enrique. You had piercing blue eyes telling a story of their own. A story of despair and grief. anger and hatred, and reminiscent memories of a once happy past. You had some lonely eyes, Enrique. Lonely eyes.

My bus was taking too long to come and chariot me away. I just wanted to be out of that unbearable concrete jungle heat. And to be protected from the harsh realities of the city ghetto. I was tired of being whistled and honked at. Was tired of being bribed to get into strangers' cars.

But I am not unused to your kind, Enrique. Assuming you have a kind, that is. Slurring, babbling to no one other than yourself and God, and maybe even your grubby hands reaching out in attempts to touch me, someone, anyone, love. I am used to your kind because something about me attracts you to me. And I am convinced that there is more to the attraction than my young pretty face. I think it is because I listen and I feel your pains and joys with you. I think it is because of your unknown ability to feel that you have acquired throughout your hardships on the streets. Although, often times you suppress it with booze and whatever else you think might help you forget. The truth is, these things no longer help you to cope. Now they only serve as reminders to your history. None the less, your kind are the real concrete jungle prophets. The ones that can't escape the harsh realities. That wouldn't know how to if given the chance. Your kind are the ones always observing, wishing, waiting, watching. You see what others choose to close their eyes to. You feel what they repress and may never let surface. Not to say that you know how to heal yourself of your traumatic wounds inflicted and left untreated, from decades ago. But at least you let yourself feel them. You feel. From the depths of your soul, you feel.

Enrique, it was a blessing for me to have gotten on the wrong bus and then miss the right one I was supposed to catch... because of you. Something in the universe conspired to get me to stay and listen to your story. And I am glad it did. You taught me about love. You spoke of your one true love and how she would not have you. You spoke of how people do not know how to show their love with simple gestures, soft touches, and sweet embraces. You explained how people think that love only happens with intercourse, and how they are wrong. You cried to the universe with big crocodile tears of sadness and reminiscence. You told me that you would wait for your one true love, until the day that you die if need be.

Thank you Enrique. Thank you.  

Let me ask you question SaTek. What are your wounds made of? Why did you react the way you did?  What were you dealing with? And if you can not see how your inflection could have come off as rude, then I strongly recommend you take another look at the way you chose to react to me.

Just because I have only been coming to the actual class for only 4 weeks, does not mean that I do not have a grasp on or at least personal opinion as to how and what the role of the teacher is in any class setting. My comments last night were not based on "as a BJ instructor" this and this should be done, They were based on "as a teacher for any class" this is how I think the instructor should behave and what kind of role I think they should take.

The reason I reacted so strongly... is because I hate when others don't listen to me, and even though you were listening, it somehow felt like you were not. Probably because you clearly heard my words but seemingly failed to interpret them in the good hearted way that I meant them. And my initial reaction was not based on an inflection I believe I heard, but rather a change in your energy I know I felt before you even began to talk. This situation brought up feelings of insecurity, abandonment, anger, and sadness. It brought up feelings tied to believing I'm very rarely understood. So often, it seems like even with careful selection of my words, others misinterpret the true point of things I say and the feelings behind them. Which, like I said, I am not opposed to considering that this is what I may have done to you. (and I have been considering it) This situation also brought up feelings of never being "right" or of always being "wrong". I hate feeling like that. Even though I know that I am the only one who can make myself feel anything. I'm sure that there are a few other things I could go into but my head is foggy at this moment, so I'm going to wrap it up.

Me calling you rude, harsh, and hasty was not a blanket statement that I think applies to you at all times, but rather specifically to that situation last night and the way you were talking.  And by me stating that you may be trying to exert your misogynistic power over me... well, I did say I might be crazy.  ;)  Sorry. I know your not misogynistic. But at the time I was having doubts. Why? Because I was angry. No better reason. And no, I don't usually think your misogynistic just because I am upset and I'm positive it will not become a habit or pattern. And I apologize for over reacting and being quite rude, harsh, and hasty myself. It was uncalled for but it happened. What more can I say?

Jesse

I am very upset with you right now Satek. I am not sure whether this assignment you have given me "to write about why I am upset" is a way for you to express your misogynistic power you may think you have over me or if it is a genuine thing you would like for me to express and then learn/grow with. But here I am writing, not because you knew that last comment you made about "are you too upset to learn?" would "challenge" me, but because it feels good to express myself in the form of writing.  Maybe I'm just crazy. But non the less, I am very upset with you. I innocently was trying to help by expressing what I thought should be done in the class setting. Even though my words might have come out in the wrong form (i.e. "should"), I think you could have appropriately interpreted that my heart was in a good place and therefore my words were too. I was happy and enjoying the conversation. But apparently I struck a sensitive nerve within you. I am sorry for this and my ignorance of the impact of my word choice. And here I am, settled down enough to eat, and my jaw wont allow my mouth to open enough to put even a bit of food in. I'm so fucking pissed. And don't give me any of that bull about not allowing the emotions to control me. I want them to in this moment, I am allowing them to. And I'm not going to write about this tomorrow or in a week or a year, so don't ask me to. Anyways, I know my words struck something that didn't feel the best for what I was trying to communicate, but I wasn't being rude, harsh, or any of the above. And I know you could feel that. So why, why did you respond with such hast, harshness, and rudeness? Why weren't you in more control of your emotions and reaction? You hurt me. I know two wrongs don't make a right, and that the way I responded in retaliation was even worse. But at that point it was on. Next time if I'm speaking in a way that doesn't feel good, tell me; without me having to stop whatever your saying to point out that you are clearly upset and being harsh and then inquire as to why. Other than this occasion (and the one where I ran through the sprinklers), I have always stopped and pointed out what hurt me and felt "bad" at the moment it happened; and done it with as much softness, calmness, and gentleness possible. I very, very rarely will just continue the conversation with harshness and hurt feelings without letting you know that this is what was going on inside. But it feels like you do so often. There has to be a better way for you, us, to communicate when something like this goes on for you. Unless I'm just interpreting it in a misconstrued way, then let me know.

Assignment: Put 4 metal rings on the wrist of each hand and move around (dance, qi gong, thai chi, etc.) without letting the rings bang together and make sound. Then work on moving around and keeping the rings from moving all together.

As soon as SaTek gave me this assinment I jumped right in! I was very enthusiastic. At first it seemed that any and all movement I made created the rings to clank together. I guess because I was so excited, I had trouble really focusing my energy. Then I decided to experiment with some Qi Gong to center myself a bit. Once I really began centering my energy the rings quited down. It was a little difficult though because I was not used to doing my energy work with the weight if the rings on my wrists. I definitely noticed a change in the energy flow too, it slowed it down. But in essence this was part of the assignment. To learn how to move slower and therefore more smoothly. After some time, something about the rings and their weight seemed to really ground me in a way. They really helped me to not focus so much as just be. To focus would have been more concentration, which I needed in the beginning, but it turned into just feeling. Nothing more or less really. They really brought me to the present moment. I wasn't thinking of the rings, or my body, or what either were doing.

Then I just broke out in dance, still remaining aware of the rings. I had to move slow and think about my next step and even the move after that. It was a good experience to see the process of where my body was at and then what it would take to get where I wanted to go with smoothness and fluidity. By this point, I was actually surprised at how simple it was to keep the rings from making any noise. To keep my energy flowing. After a bit, it felt as if the rings were just an extension of my body. Which I guess technically anything is or can be if we allow our energy to be condusive with whatever that outside thing may be. If we allow our energy to resonant and then entrain with that of our surroundings. This is also the way to alieviate ourselves from the distinctions and boundaries of our reality.

So, since I was feeling so confident and having so much fun, I decided to get on the BodyJuggling ball. Well... lets just say it didn't go quite as well as I had planned. Lol! I think that this is definitely an advance step in the process with the rings. I was not able in the least to keep my balance on the ball and keep the rings from clanking together. But it was fun. At this point, I noticed how the sound of the rings actually made me feel really weird. It was not a sound I welcomed. It was loud and harsh on my ears. I noticed that I had already trained my mind and body to not like the sound. It made my being cringe.    >.<   But if I could so easily become one with the lack of sound and fluid movement of my body and energy, then I can just as easily be at peace with the sound whenever I choose.

Love,
Padme

I have been given the assignment to take a barefoot walk around the neighborhood with my eyes gazing down my nose looking down at the ground about a foot in front of my step. I was instructed to let my mind do whatever it please but to not let my gaze raise up for any reason.

So, I step out in the warm sun and begin my practice once I get to the sidewalk in front of the house. I drop my eyes and begin walking at a slow pace. Initially, I have a lot of resistence. My eyes seem to have a mind of their own and want to look up so badly. Not being able to see where I am walking, even though I have the sidewlak to guide me, makes me feel vunerable. This is also probably why I dodn't cross any streets but choose to just wander around the block. I notice that once I am able to stop worrying if someone is going to be walking near me, driving by, or looking at me funny, I start to feel my body a whole more. The little aches and pains that I was ignoring are now no longer staying quite. I guess when you've got things like trees and vehicles and such, it makes it a lot easier to allow your mind to wander from really being present. This is about the time I start to realize that relaxing my eyes, allowing them to kinda glaze over, seems to be a ittle bit more comfortable for me and also makes it easier to keep looking down. At this point, I have no idea just how far I've wandered from the house, and this feeling of not knowing kinda makes me feel a little uneasy. But I accept the feeling and it is quick to disolve. It's amazing how much we rely on our sight to judge space (and time) when I'm sure we could do it just fine without sight at all. So then I hear... I notice how loud it is; all the bugs and birds. I'm sure that it is normally this loud on a hot Texas summer day, but I'm assuming that because I normally am relying so much on my sight, I probably am not as perceptive or catering to my other senses (just the same as noticing how my body is feeling). So I just listen, and really get in the moment of hearing all the little and big noises. They are quite beautiful. Then I turn around and head back in the direction that I just came. Ah, and it is a nice day. Now I'm really enjoying the experience of not having to look around and all the sensations that I am getting to experience. I get to the house, and I just know that I'm here, without having to look up or anything. And as I step foot onto our sidewalk out front I decide it's alright now to let my gaze meet the house. But wow!, I am really dizzy. All the sights feel like they're rushing at me and knocking me over! lol! I actually almost fall over. After I regain my balance I go on ahead into the house.

The Experience

Last night was my first time to go see Ammachi, the Hugging Saint. I have wanted to see her for two years now, and this was finally my chance to make it happen. I was so excited! As we pulled up to the hotel where she was having her darshan, I was so ecstatic, that I tought I might jump out of my skin. I felt as a child does when they are standing in that long line, waiting to see Santa, knowing that they will get to sit on his lap and whisper all their wants and desires into his ear. I know many Amma devotees and have heard about so many lovely experiences they have had with her. I have had many signs in my life pointing to Amma. Like people giving me sacred literature from and about Amma, and a mala and some beautiful little trinkets that a former pujari for her temple gave me. I have even had a dream where she came to me, or was at least energetically present in it. Needless to say, I was more than happy to be going to her darshan!

When we got there we were pushed along by very friendly people doing their bit of seva, and directed where to sit. Which I am grateful for, because the energy was so intense, that I'm sure I would have just wandered around with the look of wonderment in my eyes and not knowing what to really do. So we sat and waited. Then the conch was blown and out came little, cute Mama Amma, big energy and all! Oh how I love her so! She talked and I listened. I swear I could understand her and the Malayalam that she spoke. Then there was a short break and Amma began doing what she does best... HUG! But at this point I was beginning to grow weary, ready to go home and sleep. I was not attached to getting a hug from Amma, but still thought it would be a nice thing to experience. Especially since I had made it this far and have always been told that that is when her true magic could be best felt. So, I discussed the situation with SaTek, and he decided that he wouldn't mind waiting a little longer to see how fast Amma could pump out those wonderful hugs. Oh, I had a token with the letter R, so it definitely was going to be a little bit of a wait. My dear friend Matt really wanted me to get to hug Amma, so seeing as how he planned to stay the whole night anyway, we decided to switch tokens; his being a letter J. I am very appreciative for this act of kindness. Thank you Matt.

So my time came! Here I was, in the special line for the darshan, and so close to Amma. But being so close and still happy that I was going to get to see her, I wasn't in the least "excited" any longer or nervous (which the woman next to me said she experiences everytime). I finally got on stage and was pushed and pulled, very gently might I add, all the way to Amma. Once there in front of her, my head was shoved into her beautiful nectar breasts. And... we hugged. We hugged. Then I was "yanked" up and spun around and pointed in the direction I was supposed to exit the stage. At this point I was very discombobulated! One second I'm kneeling on the ground, then I'm shoved into the Divine Mother's breasts, and next I'm stumbling off of an elevated stage with bright lights glarring in my eyes and people all around. Ha! What a funny bliss within its ownself!    


My Take on the Experience

Going into this situation, I had no preconceived desires or expectations. I did have a slightly biased opinion as to what "might" happen due to all of the things that I have heard from Amma's devotees. But I was not expectiong to have any certain kind of experience and I was not wanting to obtain anything in particular from it. Being an avid hugger myself, I just wanted to give Amma a hug and receive hers. That was all. And I got exactly that; to the fullest! Amma has an intense and gentle energy. So full of love and genuine intrest in all those that she touches. But I didn't have an out of body, mind and heart changing experience. I didn't cry. I didn't feel at all different after the experience. Don't get me wrong, I was completly and open and willing to those things happening. And I have so much love for Amma and everything she does and represents for this world and our people. But what I experienced was a hug. A really nice motherly heartfelt hug. A hug that like so many others, took me into a deep warm state of momentary meditation. And that in its own, felt awesome!

I also feel like, right now in my life, the role of the teacher is being fulfilled. And to me, this means a lot to my experience last night. I think if I had meet Amma 3 months ago, when I was teacher-less, then that hug would have been the most life changing thing I possibly could have ever partaken in. But right now in my life (even with the daily struggles of my mind and emotions), I feel so complete and whole. I feel so "at one" with my self, that I am able to feel that with others too. So to hug Amma was to hug my self, or my father, or my teacher, or whatever. It was no different to me. It was the same. And I am glad for this, because i think that it showed me that the work I have been doing lately is starting to really permeate my whole being. I am starting to become what I have been studying and the words I have been preaching to others. I am begining to really walk the walk and not only talk the talk. It is nice to see the beginning yeild of the seeds that we sow. Yet, I know that there is still so much to come; so much more learing and growing to be done. In fact, I doubt my cycle of destruction and death and birth and growth will end within this life time, if ever. (But hey, ya never know! Lol!)

Thank you Amma, thank you. LOVE

One

P.S. Thank You SaTek, for your patience and insight. I am grateful that I was able to have that experience last night, and you helped.