The Amma Experience

The Experience

Last night was my first time to go see Ammachi, the Hugging Saint. I have wanted to see her for two years now, and this was finally my chance to make it happen. I was so excited! As we pulled up to the hotel where she was having her darshan, I was so ecstatic, that I tought I might jump out of my skin. I felt as a child does when they are standing in that long line, waiting to see Santa, knowing that they will get to sit on his lap and whisper all their wants and desires into his ear. I know many Amma devotees and have heard about so many lovely experiences they have had with her. I have had many signs in my life pointing to Amma. Like people giving me sacred literature from and about Amma, and a mala and some beautiful little trinkets that a former pujari for her temple gave me. I have even had a dream where she came to me, or was at least energetically present in it. Needless to say, I was more than happy to be going to her darshan!

When we got there we were pushed along by very friendly people doing their bit of seva, and directed where to sit. Which I am grateful for, because the energy was so intense, that I'm sure I would have just wandered around with the look of wonderment in my eyes and not knowing what to really do. So we sat and waited. Then the conch was blown and out came little, cute Mama Amma, big energy and all! Oh how I love her so! She talked and I listened. I swear I could understand her and the Malayalam that she spoke. Then there was a short break and Amma began doing what she does best... HUG! But at this point I was beginning to grow weary, ready to go home and sleep. I was not attached to getting a hug from Amma, but still thought it would be a nice thing to experience. Especially since I had made it this far and have always been told that that is when her true magic could be best felt. So, I discussed the situation with SaTek, and he decided that he wouldn't mind waiting a little longer to see how fast Amma could pump out those wonderful hugs. Oh, I had a token with the letter R, so it definitely was going to be a little bit of a wait. My dear friend Matt really wanted me to get to hug Amma, so seeing as how he planned to stay the whole night anyway, we decided to switch tokens; his being a letter J. I am very appreciative for this act of kindness. Thank you Matt.

So my time came! Here I was, in the special line for the darshan, and so close to Amma. But being so close and still happy that I was going to get to see her, I wasn't in the least "excited" any longer or nervous (which the woman next to me said she experiences everytime). I finally got on stage and was pushed and pulled, very gently might I add, all the way to Amma. Once there in front of her, my head was shoved into her beautiful nectar breasts. And... we hugged. We hugged. Then I was "yanked" up and spun around and pointed in the direction I was supposed to exit the stage. At this point I was very discombobulated! One second I'm kneeling on the ground, then I'm shoved into the Divine Mother's breasts, and next I'm stumbling off of an elevated stage with bright lights glarring in my eyes and people all around. Ha! What a funny bliss within its ownself!    


My Take on the Experience

Going into this situation, I had no preconceived desires or expectations. I did have a slightly biased opinion as to what "might" happen due to all of the things that I have heard from Amma's devotees. But I was not expectiong to have any certain kind of experience and I was not wanting to obtain anything in particular from it. Being an avid hugger myself, I just wanted to give Amma a hug and receive hers. That was all. And I got exactly that; to the fullest! Amma has an intense and gentle energy. So full of love and genuine intrest in all those that she touches. But I didn't have an out of body, mind and heart changing experience. I didn't cry. I didn't feel at all different after the experience. Don't get me wrong, I was completly and open and willing to those things happening. And I have so much love for Amma and everything she does and represents for this world and our people. But what I experienced was a hug. A really nice motherly heartfelt hug. A hug that like so many others, took me into a deep warm state of momentary meditation. And that in its own, felt awesome!

I also feel like, right now in my life, the role of the teacher is being fulfilled. And to me, this means a lot to my experience last night. I think if I had meet Amma 3 months ago, when I was teacher-less, then that hug would have been the most life changing thing I possibly could have ever partaken in. But right now in my life (even with the daily struggles of my mind and emotions), I feel so complete and whole. I feel so "at one" with my self, that I am able to feel that with others too. So to hug Amma was to hug my self, or my father, or my teacher, or whatever. It was no different to me. It was the same. And I am glad for this, because i think that it showed me that the work I have been doing lately is starting to really permeate my whole being. I am starting to become what I have been studying and the words I have been preaching to others. I am begining to really walk the walk and not only talk the talk. It is nice to see the beginning yeild of the seeds that we sow. Yet, I know that there is still so much to come; so much more learing and growing to be done. In fact, I doubt my cycle of destruction and death and birth and growth will end within this life time, if ever. (But hey, ya never know! Lol!)

Thank you Amma, thank you. LOVE

One

P.S. Thank You SaTek, for your patience and insight. I am grateful that I was able to have that experience last night, and you helped.