To Write or Not to Write?

Here I am. I am. I am not. I am nothing, like a great void, a black hole, so full of everything.

     I notice I have much resistance sitting here and trying to type at the computer. Why? I mean, the desire to write is here, but nothing seems to flow effortlessly from my being and through my fingertips. (What is blocking me?) Is it because I know that at the heart and spirit level nothing need be said? Possibly. Partially. But there is clearly something more for me to learn here; for me to overcome.  I feel there is some lesson that resides in this process for me that I have yet to see.

      I have, in the past, had much difficulty expressing myself on many levels. Just recently I discovered how to release some restraints on my throat chakra, and have been a singing fool ever since! I have put myself in a dance performance piece that is allowing me to expand my knowledge of working with another beautiful being intimately using nothing more than our bodies to convey a story put in song. I attend a weekly drum jam, that has been gently helping me to overcome my fears of moving my body in front of a crowd. I have learned how to effectively verbally communicate my feelings, needs, desires, etc. without being harsh & violent or detached & and withdrawn. But... I have yet to be able to write my thoughts freely on this here blog! For three days, I have had the page for this blog, sitting on the computer screen, blank and ready for my written word to be typed. But nothing has come.

     So here I am, with a feeble attempt to just write... anything. To just be. Not to try and do something, instead sitting down with no goal in mind. I think sometimes I get so caught up in having a direction or purpose that I in fact inhibit my true nature, and therefore prohibit myself from actually getting anywhere. Granted, when there is a set direction, I am grateful for it, but I know that often times, the given direction can create a boundary of what you should or should not be doing. And this is fine, now I just need to learn how to freestyle a little more. How to flow. To not be so defined by the direction given me or the end destination that I so often feel like I need to see before I get there,  but becoming who I am through my ability to see inside and outside of the box. And then flowing and weaving gracefully and effortlessly, in and out of the two. Then maybe I can fully embody what my Spirit knows, which is that the difference between the two doesn't actually exists in the first place.   

     This sounds like a good time to go join the writing group that I have been avoiding!

thank you for reading,
     Student