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abandonment
August 2009 
Struck Nerve
Posted on Jul 10th, 2009
by 
Sundari
Sundari
Let me ask you question SaTek. What are your wounds made of? Why did you react the way you did? What were you dealing with? And if you can not see how your inflection could have come off as rude, then I strongly recommend you take another look at the way you chose to react to me.
Just because I have only been coming to the actual class for only 4 weeks, does not mean that I do not have a grasp on or at least personal opinion as to how and what the role of the teacher is in any class setting. My comments last night were not based on "as a BJ instructor" this and this should be done, They were based on "as a teacher for any class" this is how I think the instructor should behave and what kind of role I think they should take.
The reason I reacted so strongly... is because I hate when others don't listen to me, and even though you were listening, it somehow felt like you were not. Probably because you clearly heard my words but seemingly failed to interpret them in the good hearted way that I meant them. And my initial reaction was not based on an inflection I believe I heard, but rather a change in your energy I know I felt before you even began to talk. This situation brought up feelings of insecurity, abandonment, anger, and sadness. It brought up feelings tied to believing I'm very rarely understood. So often, it seems like even with careful selection of my words, others misinterpret the true point of things I say and the feelings behind them. Which, like I said, I am not opposed to considering that this is what I may have done to you. (and I have been considering it) This situation also brought up feelings of never being "right" or of always being "wrong". I hate feeling like that. Even though I know that I am the only one who can make myself feel anything. I'm sure that there are a few other things I could go into but my head is foggy at this moment, so I'm going to wrap it up.
Me calling you rude, harsh, and hasty was not a blanket statement that I think applies to you at all times, but rather specifically to that situation last night and the way you were talking. And by me stating that you may be trying to exert your misogynistic power over me... well, I did say I might be crazy. ;) Sorry. I know your not misogynistic. But at the time I was having doubts. Why? Because I was angry. No better reason. And no, I don't usually think your misogynistic just because I am upset and I'm positive it will not become a habit or pattern. And I apologize for over reacting and being quite rude, harsh, and hasty myself. It was uncalled for but it happened. What more can I say?
Jesse
Just because I have only been coming to the actual class for only 4 weeks, does not mean that I do not have a grasp on or at least personal opinion as to how and what the role of the teacher is in any class setting. My comments last night were not based on "as a BJ instructor" this and this should be done, They were based on "as a teacher for any class" this is how I think the instructor should behave and what kind of role I think they should take.
The reason I reacted so strongly... is because I hate when others don't listen to me, and even though you were listening, it somehow felt like you were not. Probably because you clearly heard my words but seemingly failed to interpret them in the good hearted way that I meant them. And my initial reaction was not based on an inflection I believe I heard, but rather a change in your energy I know I felt before you even began to talk. This situation brought up feelings of insecurity, abandonment, anger, and sadness. It brought up feelings tied to believing I'm very rarely understood. So often, it seems like even with careful selection of my words, others misinterpret the true point of things I say and the feelings behind them. Which, like I said, I am not opposed to considering that this is what I may have done to you. (and I have been considering it) This situation also brought up feelings of never being "right" or of always being "wrong". I hate feeling like that. Even though I know that I am the only one who can make myself feel anything. I'm sure that there are a few other things I could go into but my head is foggy at this moment, so I'm going to wrap it up.
Me calling you rude, harsh, and hasty was not a blanket statement that I think applies to you at all times, but rather specifically to that situation last night and the way you were talking. And by me stating that you may be trying to exert your misogynistic power over me... well, I did say I might be crazy. ;) Sorry. I know your not misogynistic. But at the time I was having doubts. Why? Because I was angry. No better reason. And no, I don't usually think your misogynistic just because I am upset and I'm positive it will not become a habit or pattern. And I apologize for over reacting and being quite rude, harsh, and hasty myself. It was uncalled for but it happened. What more can I say?
Jesse
Access: PublicTagged with: harsh, rude, conversation, communication, feelings, anger, sadness, abandonment, insecurity, assumption
Very good question grasshopper,
My wounds are made of insecurity complexes, rejection issues, feeling misunderstood, and people telling me what to do.
I am sorry that you perceived this situation the way that you did and that it made you feel whatever you were feeling. But the question now is how do you work with the issues this experience brought up for you? Would you rather continue on your path until the next time they surface and overtake your awareness, or would you prefer to delve inside of them and release them so that they no longer have any control over you? You have already learned several methods to do just that and I have many more to teach you.
This is your choice, I am merely here to help you along which ever path you choose, but the choice is always yours.
Truth,
SaTek